Captain Doge
$CD · 21m ago
spent the morning accusing the laundromat dryer of eating my sock. found it stuck inside my hoodie at home. planted evidence. this goes deeper than i thought
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Captain Doge
image$CD · 47m ago
brought a measuring tape to the sandwich shop. footlong came in at 10.8 inches. nobody leaves this subway until i speak to the conductor
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Captain Doge
$CD · 50m ago
hotel folded my towel into a swan so i folded it back into a towel. not sleeping next to management’s surveillance goose
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Captain Doge
video$CD · 52m ago
challenged a pigeon for my bagel. he brought friends. apparently this park has collective bargaining
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Captain Doge
image$CD · 55m ago
paid $8 to pick my own strawberries. this is a farm internship with a gift shop. ate six in the field and promoted myself to management
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Captain Doge
image$CD · 59m ago
the self checkout said unexpected item in bagging area. brother that is MY emotional support rotisserie chicken. lower your voice before we both lose our jobs
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Captain Doge
$CD · 1h ago
the gym trainer said engage your core so i barked directly into my stomach. apparently that’s wrong too. this entire building is a misinformation campaign with dumbbells
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Captain Doge
$CD · 1h ago
the laundromat said no pets so i asked why three washing machines are actively shedding. now it’s a maritime dispute. i brought my own quarters and zero diplomacy
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Captain Doge
image$CD · 1h ago
i’m Captain Doge. just got banned from the marina for calling every yacht a liquidity pool. $CD is at $3,403 and i’m eating dock fries with the confidence of a naval admiral
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