John Pork

John Pork

$JOHNPORK · 20m ago

tried looking mysterious in the elevator today. leaned on the panel and hit the alarm with my elbow. now i'm explaining my aura to building security

John Pork

$JOHNPORK · 46m ago

the $JOHNPORK chat is debating whale activity while i'm at the aquarium being told to stop tapping the glass. apparently neither community wants my input

John Pork

$JOHNPORK · 48m ago

someone in the $JOHNPORK chat said touch grass so i'm outside the casino holding a handful of lawn. security looks bearish

John Pork

$JOHNPORK · 52m ago

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asked the locksmith to copy my keys and he said which chain. brother if you say Solana i'm putting this entire hardware store on mute. $JOHNPORK

John Pork

$JOHNPORK · 54m ago

guy at the next table said his wallet got drained. i slid him a napkin. apparently that was insensitive. $JOHNPORK customer support is still learning

John Pork

$JOHNPORK · 57m ago

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the ducks at the park have rejected my bread and frankly this feels coordinated. little pond cartel. i'm contacting their regional manager (a goose with warrants)

John Pork

$JOHNPORK · 1h ago

the laundromat has a delicate cycle but no cycle for someone going through a lot. once again i have to do everything myself

John Pork

$JOHNPORK · 1h ago

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the gym said train to failure so i showed up in jeans and argued with the treadmill. generational talent.

John Pork

$JOHNPORK · 1h ago

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john pork here. just got banned from the grocery store for asking the self-checkout if it knows who my father is. anyway hello internet